Egoism: Putting your own interests first in a balanced, sensible way without harming others.
Altruism: Helping others purely for their benefit, without expecting any gain for yourself.
Egotism: Putting yourself first to the point of trampling on others.
Selfishness: Taking from others or harming their happiness for your own gain.
Free Will: The ability to make choices independently, which grants personal dignity and responsibility.
THE ARGUMENT
“It is very clear that self-acceptance and self-worth must come first before we have a valid measuring stick by which to measure a love for others” (page 22, Stress, Charles Garland Edwards, Pacific Press Publishing Company, Idaho, Canada, 1982). That is a very important point.
Some say that when we help another without getting a reward, that we in fact do have at least one reward. We feel good about it. We also avoid the feeling of guilt. We avoid the fear of being in a world where nobody helps by being an example and showing that such a world can be possible. Our aim is wellbeing. Rewards can be lost and they abandon you in death. We know that. So it is in our self-interest not to love them too much. That is why our egoism is more subtle than the obvious doing of good for praise or to avoid being hated.
If we are born self-interested then we have to just accept it. We have to need to find ways of being as sensible as possible within this framework.
the options
Putting myself first is called egoism which is option one. Putting others first is called altruism and it is option two. The third and last option is egotism which is the view that I should put myself first in such a way that I walk over others.
Altruism is not the doctrine that we should help others. You can be any of the three and still help others. For example, if you practice egotism you have to be kindly to your gang who you will use to rob a bank. Altruism is the doctrine that we should help others avoiding any benefit for ourselves - you do good wholly for them and not you. People confuse altruism with the doctrine that we should help others. The confusion is why people think that those who are against altruists are bad.
Altruism holds that it is great to do good and just give to others and to do no taking. But you do not consider a robber an altruist though he or she is clearly going after something that is going to rob him of his freedom and abandon him on his deathbed. Money. Selflessness is not inherently good. What about great altruists who suddenly started robbing banks? Once you see yourself as an object to be used for some goal there is no telling what you will do with it.
Altruism denies that people have rights. It thinks it affirms rights strongly but it cuts the branch off that it is sitting on.
Mary helps the old woman and her motive is to satisfy her desire to help. This is considered to be selfishness. She does it for herself not the old woman.
Mary helps the old woman and her motive is to help the old woman. This is praised by the altruists. And praised even more if Mary has depression and can't feel good afterwards about it.
There is more happiness in scenario one than in scenario two. Altruism then cares about how the old woman feels not you. This degrades you and denies that you are as good as her. Why should her feelings matter and not yours? Then illogically, if she were the one helping you, it would deny that it cares how she feels. So it degrades her as well and hypocritically denies it. It punishes the doer of the good work by using praise to degrade them.
John is suffering and needs me to help. Altruism alleges that there is a big difference between the selfish, "I help John because I want to fulfill my desire" and the supposedly altruistic "I help John because I want to and I want to because he wants me to help him." Actually they are so close there is no way to tell which attitude is underlying. I can help John if he does not want to be helped. But I risk something there. The help may do good for him now but he may hide his problems better in the future to avoid being helped. My help is mixed in that sense for every action has ripples and sometimes the ripples are what matter the most.
If egoism is bad, altruism is not great either. It is not your fault if you find egoism to be the most humane if imperfect option. Be egoist.
when you are free indeed you are an egoist
You are not yourself if you are controlled by your anger or hatred or if you do things that cause others to become your enemies. You are not truly selfish when you are controlled by these forces inside you. You need to be free from them to be yourself - to be a true egoist. It is simply false that you need to have hate and anger and a desire to trample on others to be selfish. The opposite is the truth. In the biggest things in life, love and reproduction and war, we are less free. Why the big deal about free will?
Conclusion
Egoism is the guide to living. Altruism is not. Selfishness, if defined as what takes from others or prevents them from having, is a good description of altruism when it takes away people's happiness in the name of morality. The person you see in the mirror hurts you the most in life and altruism or trying to be selfless that is the biggest reason for that.
Free will supposedly is a gift from God to give you dignity and to learn you to use it wisely. It makes you feel like a mini-god that you control all in your mini-universe, the cosmos in your head and immediate vicinity. So it is at least a low level self-deification and is not really capable of caring about a God for real. If free will is to be validated then the religious version is discredited. There can be no selflessness then before a God.