Suppose we are free agents.
A fundamental aspect of being a person is being a free agent: our identity is inseparable from our capacity to choose. Free will is not merely a faculty we possess, but the medium through which we express who we are; our actions reveal the kind of person we are becoming. To love someone authentically, then, is not simply to admire their virtues or approve of their deeds, but to recognize and embrace them as agents capable of choice. This form of love respects the fullness of their personhood, including the possibility of mistakes or moral failings, because it acknowledges that their freedom to choose—even wrongly—is what makes them a person at all. To deny this freedom in love is to reduce the person to a set of behaviors or outcomes, turning affection into mere conditional approval rather than genuine, ethical recognition of their humanity.
For a baby or a person in a coma, love anticipates and affirms the agency they either will develop or will regain, rather than reducing love to their current actions or capacities. Loving someone as a free agent is therefore about valuing the full scope of their personhood, not only the choices they are presently able to make.
Loving someone as a free agent carries a subtle danger: just as ignoring their freedom reduces them to a possession or a set of predictable behaviors, overemphasizing their autonomy can reduce them to a collection of roles or actions. When we focus too much on respecting their choices, we risk seeing them primarily as a decision-maker or a performer of duties, rather than as a full, living, messy human being. A friend, over time, can shift in our perception from a companion to a “worker” whose value seems tied to what they do or allow, rather than who they are. True, unconditional love requires balancing respect for freedom with presence—attuning to their inner life, quirks, and contradictions—so that we neither control nor abstract them, but embrace their full humanity.
Ideas such as the person being a servant of God and asked to see themselves as unworthy servants - like Jesus commanded - will be a catalyst for such problems. And even more so, if your God is too much of a psychological projection.
Love and Agency
To love someone authentically is to love them as a free agent, acknowledging their capacity to choose, even wrongly. Conditional love (loving only good acts) fails to recognize the person fully; it values outcomes, not the agent. Respecting agency includes valuing potential for growth, change, and moral choice.
Problems with “Love the Sinner, Hate the Sin”
Sin cannot be fully separated from the person; evil acts arise from the will, which is part of the person. Hating the sin while claiming to love the sinner risks hypocrisy, because the act and the agent are inseparable. Loving only the good outcomes of free will is conditional love; genuine love respects freedom itself.
Ethical Implications
If people were not capable of evil as persons, punishment would be morally meaningless. Good acts can facilitate evil (e.g., morally “nice” acts used to justify harm), showing that loving only “good” behavior is insufficient. Free will allows moral responsibility; judging someone’s actions requires acknowledging their agency.
On Celebrating Free Will
Free will is a necessary aspect of being human, but it is not inherently “good” or harmless—it includes the power to do evil. Doctrines that celebrate free will without acknowledging its risks risk moral trivialization or self-deception. Be careful of claims that being created a free agent or with free will, is a gift from God. Be careful of claims that using free will for God brings you eternal life. That overstates its value. The notion that it can land you in Hell forever risks reverse narcissism. You and your bad deeds are not that important.