True love can only be directed toward oneself. Self-love is the natural and necessary foundation for happiness. Egoism is the principle that one should act in self-interest in a way that does not intentionally harm others, while egotism involves acting selfishly even if it causes harm. Altruism, by contrast, requires placing the needs of others above one’s own. In practice, only egoism is consistent with reason and human nature: we naturally act to preserve and care for ourselves, and this aligns with the well-being of others when we act responsibly.
Even when we do something that appears wholly selfless, we are still partly motivated by our own desires and satisfaction. For example, helping a friend brings emotional fulfillment and joy—what is valued is our own experience of that action, not the person directly. Similarly, material desires, such as wanting a car, are ultimately about personal gratification. Recognizing this allows us to act freely and without guilt, and to accept that our choices are guided by our own well-being.
We cannot truly love others independently of ourselves. When we say we love someone, what we are experiencing is the pleasure and satisfaction their actions or presence bring us. Altruism, understood as total self-sacrifice, is therefore impossible. Doing good for others is always intertwined with our own interests and happiness, and acknowledging this truth strengthens self-esteem rather than diminishing it.
Those who insist on self-sacrifice, unquestioned altruism, or devotion to God as the only measure of goodness are often destructive to self-worth. They demand the impossible—complete self-neglect—and undermine the natural principle that loving oneself is both rational and essential. Self-love is not only acceptable but necessary for a meaningful and fulfilling life.